Thursday, April 24, 2008
wife pregnant?
well if anyone has ever had a pregnant wife, especially in the third trimester, you know the drill…unfortunately, i am as hard headed as they come. here is what i have learned and want to share with you so that you can save a ton of headaches and frustration…

1. let her drive wherever you go. especially if you are going to the OBGYN. if you are like me, you are a type A take charge kind of guy. let it go. let her have it. sit there and look straight forward and shut up.

2. protect her space in public places. when the weight challenged person comes into waffle house and sits on top of your wife in the waiting chairs say “excuse me, i have bad gas and my wife is pregnant; do you mind?”

3. when your wife say’s she has to pee when you are out in public…don’t hesitate, she means it!

4. when your wife say’s she has to pee out in public…go with her to the bathroom and if there is a line simply go to the front of it with your wife and say “excuse me mam?” and point to your pregnant wifes belly.

5. if you are traveling via plane, as soon as you get to the airport ask for a wheelchair. your wife will decline at first but you must insist and she will be thankful when you get to the gate…not to mention that you get to go to the front of the line at security.

6. when she says “i am getting huge!”. say “honey, you’re pregnant, and you are the prettiest one i have ever seen!” (she will be and you know it)

7. if she wants mayfield cherry ice cream, twizzlers, mm’s, etc. and there is none in the house…go get it! the time you spend listening to how bad she wants it, you could have already gone to the store picked it up and returned to the house.

8. when you go to the doctor (you must go if at all possible) here’s the drill…check in, she will go pee in a cup. (she doesn’t need you) wait. she will get called to get weighed. (she doesn’t need you). wait. she will get called to go in a room to see the doctor. (she doesn’t need you but go in with her, sit there and don’t speak unless spoken too). wait. Once the doctor leaves and you are free to go. (this is where she needs you) help her off the table and kiss her and tell her how much you love her. pay the bill, set the next appointment and protect her space all the way to the car.

9. the baby’s room…don’t suggest anything or offer your opinion…it doesn’t matter. save your energy for the actual work of making it happen. throw in your flair but don’t over do it or she will notice right away…and when she does notice say “i thought that is what you wanted?”

10. when your wife wants you to feel the baby moving, do it! what? you might miss some of american idol? weahea! get tivo and pause it.

11. all the house duties are now yours…she is having your baby. (get a maid if you can afford it)

12. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!DON’T OFFER OPINIONS!!!DON’T ASK HER TO DO ANYTHING!!!SMILE AND KNOD KNOWINGLY!!!

remember, this pregnancy thing is temporary. you will get your wife back after this is all over, so i’m told. and in the end you will have the prize!!!

so what’s the name?